Week 16: On the Phrase “Overbeforeyouknowit”

The first time I heard that phrase was right when Hawk left for Annual Training…the day after he asked me out. At the time, I was like “Oh, yeah, these days will fly by!” Foolish, girl. It seemed like the longest two weeks ever. Because even back then, I knew he was going to deploy. And those two weeks symbolized the deployment for me. Many times I battled thoughts like “This is only the beginning!” “If I’m going crazy in two weeks, how on earth am I going to handle FIFTY-two weeks!”

Thus, began my hatred for the phrase #overbeforeyouknowit.

And yet, yesterday I pulled up my email and saw a lone number one next to my draft box. Curiously, I clicked it, forgetting what it was that I had written but had yet to send. What I found was a heartbreaking email to Hawk typed through tears two days after Farewell. And suddenly, I mentally transported back in time to the girl who wrote those words almost 113 days ago. I seriously did not know how I made it through the end of day two at the time of the email. And the girl at 113 days remembered and winced at the pain, the pain that can still be so raw, so fresh, so just yesterday, but I also smiled. I smiled because I did not think I was going to make it through day two. And here I’ve made it 113 days past day two.

And 113 days after I wrote the email, I finally sent it to Hawk. The extremely emotional email of the HARD day. The hard days. The day I never want to relive. The day where I thought my breath would stay caught in my chest. And I clicked “Send.” But not before I added to the bottom,

I can’t honestly say it’s gotten easier, I’ve just adjusted to the new “normal.” But I still do feel sometimes like I can’t catch my breath. But when I wrote this, I had NO CLUE that London was a possibility. And babe, I wasn’t sure I was going to survive day two, let alone day 113. We are making it. Sometimes it still seems like its never going to end, but it will…one day. I don’t know why I decided to finally send you this, unless just a reminder to how far we’ve come. Every time we feel like we can’t do it – remember that we’ve made it this far.

That was when I realized #overbeforeyouknowit contained hope. Hope in the fact that two days will turn into two weeks and two weeks will turn into 16 weeks. Hope in the fact that unexpected blessings come and grace carries you through. Hope that one day you will look back on the Hard days and realize that it was in fact over before you knew it because it is finally over.

Thus, began my tolerance for the phrase #overbeforeyouknowit.