The Spiritual Discipline of Journaling
-
Girl, Jesus is Better
If I’m honest, it’s been a rough week for me. I’ve felt swallowed up by my feelings. And the worst part is – it felt good. It felt good to be angry, it felt good being “justified” in my emotions. Sometimes the hard part isn’t getting out of the pit. Sometimes the hard part is wanting out of the pit. The Lord has been so kind to me in my pursuit of him this year. And yet, sin still rears its ugly head, crouching at the doorstep of our souls. Yet, in the midst of my pride and justifications, my soul whispered: “Is Jesus better?” Is knowing him and being…
-
Rouse My Soul | Encounters with God on the Dusty Road
I jolt up out of bed fumbling to turn off the alarm. I woke earlier, but decided to rest my eyes for another fifteen minutes and must have fallen back to sleep. I quietly grab my glasses from the nightstand and slip into dining room. The notebook covered table makes me smile. This is my watch-tower – where I meet the Lord in the mornings. Long before the alarm clock ever goes off, he’s already there warming the chair for me. I squint my eyes against the light and rub the blur away. My eyes may be foggy and I may have had a sluggish start, but as I sit…
-
Lessons Learned on Horseback | Stay Close on the Trail of Life
Last summer Hawk and I took a trip out west for our anniversary. We hadn’t ventured far enough away to justify purchasing airline tickets since our honeymoon, so we saved and splurged a bit on a trip to Colorado Springs. As soon as I booked the trip, I started plotting our itinerary. When I discovered we could ride horses through the Garden of the Gods park, I knew it was a “must do.” Horseback riding was a first for us – other than birthday-party pony rides that didn’t really count. When we got to the stable and the instructors did a quick safety briefing, I almost chickened out. There were…
-
Where Are Your Feet Taking You?
I get discouraged when I don’t feel like I’m being transformed, even though I’m trying to diligently study God’s word and desire fellowship with him. When I don’t feel different in the sense of experiencing this grand overarching mad-love for Jesus or when I don’t seem to feel him near, I slowly slide into the what-am-I-doing-wrong and why-do-I-feel-this-way mindset. After some time feeling this way, I picked up my pen and wrote in my journal to process my thoughts: I’ve been counting my experiences with God as successful and worth it when I get the supernatural feeling of closeness with him. I’ve been relying on a feeling to dictate whether…
-
The Thing About New Year Resolutions, Word for 2019, and the Book that Revolutionized My Year
I once had a boss who would write reminders on her hands. We’d be in the middle of a meeting when something said would trigger a thought and she’d grab a pen and write a word on her palm. Toy – to reminder her to bring a toy to a birthday party for her friend’s son. Milk – remembering her toddler drank all of it that morning and she needed to go to the store to get more. It became somewhat of a joke between us – all those black and blue and red words on her hands. Whatever it was, if she didn’t write it down where she’d have…
-
Pick Up Your Pen | The Treasured Work of a Heaven Scribe
I found out I was pregnant on Christmas. Well, sort of. The second pink line indicating a positive was ever so faint, I didn’t believe it. I swayed between hope and doubt so much so that I put the test in a bag early Christmas morning and stuck it under the tree only to have paralyzing doubt overtake, stuffing the bag deep behind the tree at the last minute until I could dispose of it without Hawk seeing. I’d already had months of hope being deferred and couldn’t allow myself to sit in the excitement without first being sure. Two days later I bought one of the digital tests –…
-
This Is Advent | The Stretched Out Threads of Grace
The tree is in the corner of our living room. Its lights are bright and the ornaments are high so a certain little boy doesn’t mess with them. I splurged on embroidered stockings last year and they hang off the blanket ladder to the right of the tree. All gifts have been ordered and wrapped and are piled under and around the broad artificial branches. During this time of Advent, a spirit of uneasiness has lingered and I just can’t quite shake it. One morning I sat by the tree with the twinkling lights and asked myself the hard questions. I saw all the gifts and the unease rose to…
-
My Great-Grandfather’s Well | A Legacy of Faith
The Bible sits on one of my mom’s bookshelves. It’s red, normal looking. Doesn’t have an interesting design on the cover. Doesn’t even have a name imprinted on the lower corner. I was ten when he died. My great-grandpa on my mom’s side. She asked to have this particular Bible after his death. Inside the cover is a pamphlet from when he and my great-grandma drove her to college for the first time. It may be non-special to look at, this red book, but it’s very special to her. Blue pen marks mar the otherwise pristine thin pages. They tell a story, that shaky script, of demons fought, of spiritual…
-
Make Yourself a Plate
Your theology is very personal. Lauren Chandler’s statement has stuck with me in a profound way. These words, my journals, hold records of my theology, my very intimate and deeply personal wrestlings with God. Documenting this continuous journey of working out my faith by pressing deeper into communion with God. They chronicle so much about my fears and faith, my doubts and belief. They are my Ebenezer Stones, my Songs of Remembrance. I started my last journal 18 months ago with Psalm 40:5- Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell…
-
The Letters
When I was 13, I wrote the first letter to my future husband. I had no idea who he was or when I would meet him, but I had the desire to write to him anyway. Even without a name, only addressed to “Dear Future Husband,” on double-spaced lined school paper, I wrote. Right before my 15th birthday, I wrote the second letter to him. I promised in that letter that I would wait for him. I wrote that I had made a promise to God and myself that I would keep my mind, body, and soul pure for him. In my 16th year, I wrote six letters. As my…
-
The Journal of Two Love Stories
“Journal writing is a voyage to the interior” -Christina Baldwin “These handwritten words in the pages of my journal confirm that from an early age I have experienced each encounter in my life twice; once in the world, and once again on the pages” – Terry Tempest Williams “The nicest part is being able to write down all my thoughts and feelings; otherwise I might suffocate” -Anne Frank I’m coming down to the last few pages of my current journal. The journal that Hawk handmade me for my 22nd birthday. The journal he expressed his love to me in by sewing the pages together and gluing them into the spine…
