January 3rd – 5 Weeks
We found out about you two days after Christmas. After months of disappointment and “Not yets,” God answered our prayers and the desire of our hearts.
I started a new journal in early November with this verse:
Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
I dedicated the empty pages to record the great works He was bound to do – hoping beyond all hope that one of those great works would be a baby.
Yet November didn’t bring hope – November brought hurt and disillusionment and anger. But God was faithful even in the midst of my faithlessness. He wooed me back and I wrote a week before we found out about you: “How like God it would be to redeem November’s disappointment with December’s hope.”
So your daddy and I kept praying – and God answered. His timing is perfect, I see that now, even though I didn’t at the time.
I woke up early on Christmas morning full of hope and took a test. The lines were so very faint – too faint for me to know for sure. I waited two more days and took another test before your daddy even woke up. Those three minutes were some of the longest in my life. I took a deep breath bracing myself for possibly another month of “not yet” but a sweet and clear YES was displayed. I wanted to wake your daddy but instead I crawled on my knees in my closet and fell on my face and thanked God for you. I didn’t have any other words. I almost broke into sobs on the way to work – so overwhelmed by God’s most precious undeserved grace.
I told your daddy that night. I told him I had another Christmas gift for him, one that didn’t arrive in time. Thankfully, he was oblivious so he was shocked when he opened the bag to find some USF onesies, a stuffed animal, a children’s book, and of course the positive pregnancy test. The look on his face is one that will be imprinted in my mind forever. Such great joy!
A few days later your daddy grabbed my hand at church and we walked down to the alter. We got on our knees and I listened to him thank God for your life. He thanked Him for answering our prayers and prayed for your health and safety. He admitted our weakness- how we’ve never done this parenting thing before and how much we would need Him to be godly parents worthy of raising you and for you to come to know Him at the earliest age possible.
I prayed next. I thanked God for His mercy and boundless gifts – gifts we don’t deserve. I thanked Him for entrusting us with the most precious gift – you. I prayed for you to fall in love with Jesus and that you’d see Him in us.
In the book “God Gave Us You,” the book I got to tell your daddy about you, a momma bear tells her baby cub:
“Every night I prayed for you, my special child. I prayed that your bones would be straight and your heart would be strong. But most of all, I prayed that someday you would love God.”
“I love God,” little Cub says proudly.
“I know,” said Mama. “I do too.”
May it be so, Jesus. May it be so.
April 4th – 18 Weeks
This is your mommy. It’s still hard to picture myself as a mom, even though I’ve dreamed of being one for as long as I can remember. I want you to know that you are the answer to your daddy and mommy’s prayers.
You’re starting to grow! My belly is getting harder and rounder. Even though I can’t feel you yet, I am very aware of your presence. It’s an honor to be able to carry you, little one. Your daddy and I are so thankful God chose us to be your parents. We love you so much already. Although this is all so incredibly new to me and at times terrifying, we can’t wait to meet you – to count your little toes, quiet you with our voices, and behold God’s most precious and beautiful gift to us – you.
We aren’t going to be perfect parents – far from it. Yet I pray you’ll know the depth of our love for you. I pray we’ll be able to share the love of Jesus with you and for you to love and embrace Him as your own Redeemer, Savior, and Lord. May you, sweet little babe, taste and know His goodness all the days of your life.
Grow little one, grow safely under your momma’s heart.
April 12 – 19 Weeks
We had a doctor’s appointment on Monday. The ultrasound tech started measuring all your organs. Your daddy reached over and grabbed my hand as the tech moved the wand over the warm gel on my rounding stomach. Your little fists were close to your face and the tech called you a little boxer (your great-grandfather will be proud). You finally cooperated and she got the shot she was looking for –
My Son. My Little Man.
As we left the appointment, I looked at your daddy in the empty elevator: “We’re going to have a son!” He smiled, one of those smiles you never want to forget.
I caught him staring at my changing body last night. I know he was thinking of you, dreaming of raising you and being the best daddy he can be for you.
See, you have the best daddy. He captured your mommy’s heart and he’ll capture yours as well, little one.
That night we laid in bed with you between our hearts and we thanked God for your precious life. We prayed for your salvation, your health and safety, your future spouse. As your mom, I became aware of the great responsibility of raising a godly man in today’s culture.
I prayed for you to be a man after God’s own heart. I prayed for you to respect women and be a champion for the downtrodden and vulnerable. I know you’ll be grown before I know it. May you be a hard worker. May you save your purity for your wife. May you follow the calling and ministry God’s ordained for your life. May you always be respectful and compassionate and sensitive to those around you. May you also equally be a fighter for justice, a passionate warrior for the Lord. May you grow up to be a warrior poet, my little man. The world desperately needs some.
May your father and I raise you and your (hopefully) one day siblings to know God, to love God, to follow God. May you see His grace and mercy and love in us in how we parent and love you.
I love you so much, my son. We can’t wait to meet you – to see if you have your mommy’s nose and your daddy’s long eyelashes. But in the meantime, keep growing. As my body grows, the Lord is growing my appreciation of His great sacrifice, His great blessing and providence and pure undeserved gifts. His love grows in me to love you more than I could even comprehend.
May 1st – 22 Weeks
You’re growing more each day. Your daddy went out of town for a couple of days last week and when he returned he looked at me and exclaimed, “You’ve grown!”
Little one, your daddy and I love each other so very much. The Lord brought us together and it made my dreams come true – now He’s blessed us with you and I’m so happy and eternally thankful.
May 13th – 24 Weeks
Right before we left on our babymoon to Charleston a very special thing happened. I finally, undoubtedly felt you move. Not flutters, but actual jabs, flicks, and kicks. I grabbed your daddy’s hand and it sprawled over my white rounded belly- and jab! His face lit up…it will always be one of my most cherished memories. My love feeling you, our little love, for the very first time.
He whispered to me right before bed how excited he is to meet you. We both are.
Feeling you move is incredible. One day I’ll look at your little feet and think I’ve felt those from within – and you’ll hear my heartbeat and know it from when you were within. We are connected you and I, in an intimate way only God could’ve designed.
I pray and hope I’ll make you a good momma – that you’ll know the love of God and the love of your parents and family every day of your life. I pray you’ll see and learn about healthy marriages by seeing how much your daddy and I love each other. I pray you’ll discover God’s purpose for your life and chase Him with all your heart.
May 21st – 25 Weeks
You were kicking me all during church this morning. At this point in your development you can hear things from the womb. Some of the verses read this morning were from Psalm 139.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Precious one, God started forming you even before I was aware of your existence. Before my hand ever felt your movement within me, God’s hand was intricately on you. Even now it is Him sustaining you, weaving your body, soul, and personality together.
Wonderful are His works, indeed.
He knew you in the secret and He knows all your days. I believe He has a big plan for your life, little one. May you grow strong in His knowledge and His love.
You were active in church because you heard your Creator, your Father’s Word. May you always be passionate about Him – may His Word always be a sweet sound to your ears.
June 1st – 26 Weeks
You look like your daddy. We weren’t expecting to see 3D images of you, so it was a thrilling surprise! I keep looking at the images and it’s surreal to know that you are your own little person and you look like the love of my life. It makes my momma’s heart proud.
The other night you weren’t moving very much and I was trying to get you to move for me. Your daddy places his ear to my belly button and said “Hi baby, this is your daddy. Hi baby.” And boom! You kicked hard. You know your daddy’s voice.
May you also know your Heavenly Father’s voice. As I think about this upcoming new season of motherhood – I think of my responsibility to care for you. How God’s entrusted your dad and I with shepherding you to know the Good Shepherd. I can’t do that if I’m not knowing and experiencing time with Him myself. My prayer is as I continue to grow with you growing in me that my heart with grow closer to our Father. That He’ll prepare me and teach me how to best shepherd your precious little life to Him. He’s the Great Good Shepherd who already knows you by name and tenderly cares for you and protects you and longs for your heart and devotion even as you are in the womb.
You are deeply wanted, loved, and cared for my little man.
All my love,