This blog has morphed in the past couple of years. I originally started this little piece of the blogosphere as a coping mechanism for Hawk’s deployment. It gave me a goal, something to do to help chronicle the passing days and months.
After Hawk returned home these pages became quiet. I entered the busy season of wedding planning and learning how to be a wife. Months passed without a single new post.
Now that Hawk was home, I wasn’t sure what to write about – I wasn’t sure what purpose these pages had anymore.
In the sixth grade I fell in love with the written word. I loved how I could be sitting in a chair in my bedroom and be totally transferred to another time period or universe.
That passion for the written word developed and grew into a desire to write. I wrote adventure stories in my trusty binder throughout middle school and discovered blogging in high school. However, most of my writing is done in my journal.
While my journal holds a record of actual events that happened in my life, I see my journal as more of my own personal spiritual memoir.
Many of my journal pages now find themselves on these pages.
If you were to pick up my old journal, you would notice a year and a half missing. To anyone else it may be meaningless – but to me, well it revealed the state of my heart.
If my journal pages are empty, it is a warning sign that my spiritual walk is weak. See, my journal is where I do most of my worship, most of my growth, most of my prayers.
I write to first understand what and how I feel, but I also write because that’s one way I experience His Presence on earth in my daily existence. I write for Him to reveal Himself to me. I write for Him to show me the things that I need to surrender. I write the passionate love letters of my heart. I write the verses of His Word that stop me in my tracks or comfort a deep hidden need.
When my journal pages are full, it’s a sign that He is moving in my life – that I have a desire or want a desire to know Him in an intimate and most personal way.
My journal is an inside look into my heart. For a while I lost that passion, that purpose, that devotion.
I lost my voice.
It’s an interesting thing though – “returning to the Lord.” When He becomes the passion of your heart and you constantly desire more of Him, He returns passions once thought dead. He returns the voice that once was lost.
When He became the desire of my heart, he flooded my soul with the passion to write again. My journal pages fill with praise, repentance, confessions, petitions. He gives my heart new themes and thoughts that stay with me, playing in my mind, until I write them down.
These pages find their purpose again. These pages find their voice.
He instilled a passion for the written word in me at a young age and continues to develop it as I grow in Him. He’s cultivating it as a ministry in me. Even if no one reads these words – I will be faithful to write what He is encouraging me to write even if it’s just for me and Him.
As my journal fills, these pages fill – because I’m compelled to share what He is showing me. I’m compelled to brag about my God who returns and restores passions. A passion for Him and a passion for a gift He has given that I enjoy.
My God gives voices back. He replaces empty dead hollowed hearts with new ones warmed by fire in the soul. He gives His words to fill the silent pages – the silent hearts. He purifies our passions and uses them for His purposes.
He gives us Him.
A passion most pure.
All for His glory.
The call of God is not just for a select few but for everyone. Whether I hear God’s call or not depends on the condition of my ears, and exactly what I hear depends upon my spiritual attitude. – Oswald Chambers