According to the calendar it has been a week since “The Farewell.”
A week that has sometimes seemed to have passed quickly, and then other times seemed to have dragged into an eternity.
It depends on the day, it depends on the moment, it depends on the mood.
On good days, I have the proper perspective. I know that this is just a season (well more like 4 seasons) and that while at times it may seem like the hands on the clock are frozen in time, they aren’t, and this season isn’t going to last forever. It is temporary.
On not so good days, or moments, I can’t stand to look at the slight green sliver on my many countdown apps because it only reminds me of the all consuming red. One week down. What’s left? Oh, yeah, FIFTY. Depressing much?
This first week has held many different emotional cycles for me, and many emotions felt at once. Farewell Day was hard. I think I cried periodically every thirty minutes. Just when I seemed to have some semblance of composure, I would see something or remember something that would send the tears rolling again…and again. The following couple of days, I was angry. Angry in general, practically at everything. I was angry I was in this situation. Angry at myself, angry at anyone who annoyed me, just angry at being angry.
Because honestly, being angry felt better than being sad.
I recognized the coping mechanism. And I didn’t like it. I vowed then that I would choose joy.
Overall, this past week has been a surprisingly good week. I have been able to be in frequent contact with Hawk which certainly helps. When communication becomes harder, we will have to adapt some more. But it has been nice to adjust to all these changes in somewhat small intervals. The support from everyone really has been overwhelming. The encouragement never ceases to amaze me. It truly has blessed me and us in ways I can’t seem to express. The Body of Christ has certainly poured out their love on us.
On the journey from turning anger and saddness into joy, a daily occurrence, I picked up a devotional book that Hawk had given me for Christmas. He knew I would need the encouragement and provided me with a year of it. He thought of everything. Flipping through I haphazardly turned to the entry for the day before the dreaded Farewell.
The goodness of God never ceases to amaze me. He is Hope and Peace when I need them most. “Trust is not a natural response” but Trust is where we forsake anger to find Joy. I read the entry over and over and then awareness overtook me.
I will equip you to get through this day victoriously, as you live in deep dependence on Me.
And I thought about Farewell. And I thought about the support and love. And I thought about the Grace offered this past week. This week of beginnings. And He did. He did equip me to get through the Day, through these days. And not only did He equip, but He equipped
Because Farewell morning I tweeted: Equip me to do what I cannot do.
As the weeks progress, (and they will, even when they seem at a standstill), I will rejoice in His Faithfulness. And on those not so good days, I will remind myself of His Goodness. Because He is aware of what I need even before I ask (Matthew 6:8). And He equips. He brings us through.